Real Love Over Romance Any Day

"Romantic love has no elasticity to it. It can never be stretched; it simply shatters. Mature love, the kind demanded of a good marriage, must stretch, as the sinful human condition is such that all of us bear conflicting emotions." Gary Thomas

I believe marriage has forced me to face some character issues I would not of faced otherwise. I believe marriage has brought me closer to God. I believe that marriage has healed so many broken wounds inside of me. Being married has made me a better person.

I feel that I am married to the most romantic man in this world. I remember one of our first dates before we were married, James and I were Downtown Denver on 16th street mall. We were holding hands and gazing into each others eyes with happy smiles. I was falling in love with James. Each step we took the weaker my knees would get and I thought for sure I was floating!!!!! Before the evening was over I found my pounding heart on a horse carriage with my man's arms around me and I felt like a real Princess was being taking away by my Prince. He was romancing my heart and I felt overwhelmed with desire for him.

I have many more romantic stories I could share and some that will always be just between James and I . Today on Valentine's day my romantic Husband gave me a beautiful ring. This ring was in a heart box that was held by two kissing stuffed dogs. They were two scottish dogs that happen to be one of my favorite types of dogs. He knows what I like!!!!!! He made me a card with a picture of us. A picture that we both love. This man knows how to touch my heart.

He also makes it easy for me to touch his heart with romance. Lighted candles, body lotions, and other things that make an evening romantic for us. Sometimes romance is easy to make happen. Sometimes romance just happens. Sometimes romance takes work. Sometimes romance does not happen no matter what I try or want.

James will always be my Prince and I will always be his Princess. I know that romance is important to our marriage and I will always seek ways to make this happen. The point I want to make here is that I do not always feel like a Princess and James does not always act like the Prince I think he should be. Sometimes my emotions and feelings are like a grumpy old house wife that is worn out from all the house work that never ends. I often times look more like a raggy mess then a Pretty Princess. When we were first married I would run to the bathroom and wash my mouth out with Listerine before my husband would wake up and now there are mornings where I am dragging my feet out of bed an hour after the alarm clock goes off. The crazy thing about all of this is that I know James still accepts me and desires me. I do not have to be perfect for him to love me. He does not have to be perfect either for me to love him.

One of the first times I realized that my Prince was really just human like me was when we went on one of our first camping trips the summer after we got married. I was looking forward to a romantic camping trip. A trip that would make the stars in the sky dance just for us. Well the stars did not dance for us. We both ate something that evening that made us both gassy. It was so bad I am sure it scared all the animals out of the camp site. So much for desired romance that evening. This however did not destroy our camping trip together. We grew together as a couple as we enjoyed the outdoors and wildlife. We laughed and had fun together. It was a weekend we will never ever forget.

I heard someone say once that if marriage depended only on romance then one would have to keep on getting married over and over again. I do not think romance is the super glue that holds a marriage together. I choose real love over romance anyday. Romance comes and goes by emotions and moods. Love is a choice and is much more then just a temporary feeling. I am married to a man who loves me and I have no doubt that he really, really, really, loves me. I love James and love takes time to grow. We have just started our life together. We were married on July 3, 2006. Our love has more growing to do.

James and I were going to go to California over this last Christmas break. James and I are pregnant and this will be our first child. I had in my mind that we needed to take a trip together before our baby is born so that we can continue to grow in our marriage in a deeper way. It may be our last trip together by ourselves for awhile. I had romantic visions of what our days and evenings would be like. We never did get to go. I developed a major blood clot in my right leg and had to be put in the hospital. This was the most frightning thing I have ever been through. I was not alone. James was right there with me and he was scared too. He was strong for the both of us and believed that God was in complete control. It was through this experience that I learned what kind of love it takes to make a marriage grow stronger and deeper.

When I got out of the hospital I could not walk on my own, take a shower on my own, or go to the bathroom by myself. James put a bucket by our bedside so that I could use that to urinate in. He would clean it out after each use. How romantic is that? Even though this was extremely embarrising he made me still feel like a Princess. He is my Prince during the good times and the bad times. I have to get shots in my stomach twice a day. It is James who gives me these shots and he will continue to give me these shots for several more months. These shots can be painful at times and my stomach has some black and blue bruises. With the tender love and care of my husband I am in good hands. James is my best friend. I am glad I will be married to him for the rest of my life. Looking back if I had a choice of going to California or experiencing this with James what would I have picked? I can honestly say I am glad we went through this together. We grew deeper together and our marriage is much more stronger today because of what we went through together.

Each time James gives me a shot in the stomach I am reminded of what real love is. He cares about me. When I hurt he hurts. I trust him and he is there for me. He comforts me and shows

me a deep level of compassion that touches my heart. This is not the most romantic experience, but it is the most loving experience. This love turns into a very nurturing time for us as he gives me my shot, then puts lotion on my stomach and then talks to our little baby who is growing inside of me.

I have always struggled with my not so perfect stomach. I want my stomach to look a certain way and it looks different then what I want it to. All of my life I have struggled with thinking that I needed to look a certain way to experience romance and love. Well every morning and every night my husband gets to look at my stomach up close. He still desires me and we still experience romance. The looks of my stomach has not made him love me less. James likes me just for who I am. I think it is time that I like myself just the same.

May you be encouraged to look deeper into your marriage for love. May you let go of your unrealistic expectations about romance. Most of all may you learn to accept yourself for the person you are in Christ.

Keep on Hoping

Today it really is on my heart to write about hope. As I look over my life I have waited for God to move in areas of my life where I felt dry. I think that I would call these times in my life the desert. What I mean by this is that what I desired in my heart was not happening in my day to day world. What I dreamed of seemed to be happening for others and I was being left out.
I was born in 1966, and ever since I could play dolls and house I wanted to be a wife and mommy. In my twenties this dream did not come true. In my thirties I still was waiting for my life to be as I longed for it to be. Then just before I hit forty, I met the man of my heart. Who is much more then I could of ever hoped for. We got married and now we are thirteen weeks pregnant! In just a couple of days I will be 42 on Jan. 11, 2008. Now I am living out my passion and I have arrived. I waited long and hoped hard.
In my late thirties this waiting and hoping got really hard. It hurt to much to hope and not see any good coming out of my hoping. I tried to let go of my longing to be married and have children. Life was one big disappointment and I was done feeling let down. Every time I abandoned my desire it hurt. I even asked God to take my desire away if having a family was not His will for me. I begged Him to please show me His will for my life and help me live life the way He would have me live. He gave me no new desire and He did not take away my dream.
So I continued to hope and I felt God telling me over and over again, "My perfect timing is not your timing."
It got very frustrating for me waiting for His timing. What is He exactly going to do in His timing? I remember just wanting Him to give me a word or vision of His plan for me so that I can know. I wanted to know and I did not want to wait anymore. I kind of thought my timing made more sense. Now that I look back, God knew exactly what He was doing and His timing was the perfect time. Being 42 I can say that being pregnant at this age is really O.K.. I know that there are statistics out there that say that there are all kinds of risks for babies and moms at this age. I choose to believe that everything will be just fine, and today there are many moms my age who are having very healthy babies.
There are many days that James and I say to each other, "I wish I met you twenty years ago." There are times I think to myself I wish I could of started my family when I was younger. James and I realize that we may not get to experience being Grandparents. I might have grey hair when I go to my kids High School graduation. These are all possible realities that we might have to accept some day. Life does not always happen the way we think it should and that can be disappointing.
As a follower of Christ I have learned that God's will is truly what is best for me. I gave my life to Christ so that He would have His way in me. There is a price to this. The price is laying down my plans for His perfect plan.
When I reflect on my past I honestly have to say that my life lessons as a single person were extremely valuable. While I was in waiting to be married and have children I did not stop living out my other desires that God put in my heart. My heart has always been filled with love for children and hurting families. I worked 25 years in Early Childhood Education and Social Work. I got to experience many different kinds of volunteer work in ministry to families and kids. I honestly do not know if I would of been able to do what I did if I had my own family during this time in my life. I was on the go all the time serving, working, and going to school.
It was also a time for me as a single person to grow up in Christ and I went through allot of struggles to get to where I am today in my relationship with who I am as a child of God. I went through so much pain and heart ache on my road to growing up. At the time I did not understand why life had to be so hard. Today I get it, and I am glad I went through the storms, desserts, and valleys. In all of my trials and tribulations God was preparing me for today as a Wife and Mommy to be. During this time He was also preparing my Husband for me and our children.
The purpose of me writing this is to encourage all of you who are waiting to be married and have children. I know it is hard. I been there. There are nights I cried myself to sleep wondering what God is going to do about my deep pain and longing to be a wife and mommy. It gets hard going to everybody else's weddings and baby showers. Holidays are lonely and heartbreaking. Sometimes I found myself wondering if God is mad at me and is punishing me for some reason. The enemy would have a great time with me and try to convince me that I was no good. This is a hard thing to go through. I have friends now who are waiting to be married. I know people who are dealing with infertility. To stay hopeful when disappointment keeps on happening can be so very discouraging. I want so badly to give you an answer or direction. I remember wanting an answer. Sometimes we just do not know what is going on as far as God's specific plans for us. At least there have been times in my life where I just did not know what He was doing. I asked often, "Why are you taking so long God???? " Now I have a better understanding of why God had me go through what I did. I do not think that God sees time as we see it. As humans we are caught up in expectations. As Christians may we trust God that He knows exactly what we need when we need it. This is not an easy thing for me to do, but I am getting better at it. Hang in there God is not done with you.

Garden Of Weeds Pulled

I think that one of the hardest issues we need to deal with as Christians is forgiving others. In the following message I would like to discuss what my understanding is about forgiveness. I feel that I have been set free in this area.
I believe this message will help those who are struggling with this issue right now. This message is for those of you who want to forgive but for some reason you just can not get past the hurt. Some of you may be saying I thought I forgave but I still feel the brokenness and anger towards them. This is for those of you who have been emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually, or spiritually abused.
The four people in my life that I learned to forgive, was my Mom, Dad, ex boyfriend, and a Pastor. I was set free from the bondage of un-forgiveness towards all of these people in 2005. I would like to share my story with you.
My Mom and Dad at times struggled with control and were manipulative in their approach towards me. This at times left me feeling afraid, rejected, and inadequate. In the late eighties I had a boyfriend that I was engaged to. This young man did not have a very good self image of himself. He would belittle me whenever he could and disrespect me as a person. Through this relationship I felt dependant and insecure. In the nineties I found myself in a cult. I did not ask to be in a cult. I was involved in a Christian based church that went bad over a period of time. The Pastor I trusted took advantage of me and in his selfishness used me through sexual and spiritual abuse. Anger and fear set in deeply into my inner being and I lost hope for my future.
This history of abuse left me shattered and in the year 2000 I was ready to die. It took me five years of seeking God’s love and grace before I was able to move towards forgiveness from my past. I am so glad that God set me free because on July 3rd 2006 I got married to the most wonderful man on earth and on November 8th 2007 I found out that I was four weeks pregnant!!!! My past does not have a strong hold on me like it once did. Today I know who I am in Christ and I trust God.
I once was a broken pot. Then Jesus the potter came into my dark night and molded me into the vessel I am today. I want to share with you what I learned in those five years from 2000-2005.
I know that if I did not allow God to work in my life and help me forgive I would be living in anger and acting out in rage. In the year 2000 when I wanted to die, Jesus came to me in a vision and this is what I learned.
My mind is a garden. Jesus is the gardener. I am important to Him and He is not going to allow anything to stay growing in me that does not belong there. When I surrendered my anger to Him and asked for help He went into my garden and pulled out all the weeds that were filled with un-forgiveness. Each time a weed got pulled I experienced sadness with emotional and physical pain. In this process I learned quickly that our God is a merciful God. As I received healing my hurt heart turned into joy. In the new soil of the garden where the weeds were, Jesus replanted new seed for me. My mind was transformed by the renewing of God’s truth and love towards me. This new seed turned into the fruit of the spirit and this fruit is love joy and peace. The process in painful and it is well worth it.
The process begins with realizing and accepting that forgiveness without the healing power of Jesus is impossible. I have experienced that I can intellectually forgive easier then emotionally forgive. I know that as a Christian I am called by God to forgive and that I will live a more peaceful life if I let go of my bitterness.
But emotionally I had all these feelings about the event that had hurt me so deeply that it was difficult to get on with life. I found myself constantly reacting to situations out of fear. I did not want to be hurt again. I wanted my broken heart to heal and not get hard and at first it seemed like my heart was not going to heal. I was desperate for Jesus. He was calling me to see like he sees.
When I was going through this I wrote this prayer in my journal, God I long to feel your Spirit and your freedom upon my life.
The scripture that I received for my prayer came from 2Corinthians 3:17.
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
I discovered that in order for me to truly be able to forgive I needed to know the Lord more. I had to spend time in His word, prayer, worship and be in fellowship with other believers. I had to let go of myself and go serve. To get to know the Lord better I had to spend time alone and receive His spirit. When I sat in the presence of His spirit and truth I learned that I was His child. I am a child with value and great importance to Him. Knowing that I am truly loved by the Creator of the heavens and earth brought healing into my life. The events in my past made me feel like trash and getting to know the Spirit of the Lord set me free from this lie.
When I felt cherished by God I found peace in my heart that allowed me to love those who hurt me so deeply. God allowed me to see that I can separate the sin from the sinner. I hated the sin and what the sin did to me. It is healthy and O.K. to be angry with sin. To forgive the sinner meant for me to realize that Jesus Christ paid for their sin on the cross and he asked the Father to forgive them. Jesus opened my eyes and helped me see the sinner as a child of God. Those who have offended me and acted as my enemy are under the grace and mercy of God’s unconditional love.
This knowledge and understanding about forgiveness does not excuse the sin that brought destruction in my life. Yes I am still angry about the sin that caused me to hurt so terribly. I still am sad that parts of my life have been filled with pain. However my heart is not hard and I pray for those who have once wounded me deeply. God does rebuild us.
Another important thing I learned about forgiveness is that it is about un-conditional love and grace. I do not think we can walk in forgiveness towards others unless we have for ourselves truly experienced Christ crucified on the cross for our own sin. A big part of my healing process was for me to take ownership in what my sins have been that I have committed. When I forgave myself and received God’s forgiveness towards me it became much easier for me to separate the sin from the sinner. In order to do this I had to separate the sin I committed from myself. Even though I have sinned I still am a child of God who is loved, cleansed, and holy. I am only holy because of Jesus and His death on the cross for me. I still sin and this is my sin nature. My sin nature is separate from which I really am in Christ. Daily my battle is to deny my sin nature and walk in the spirit of the living Christ who dwells in me.
To be like Jesus is to pray for all. The enemy has come to kill, still, and destroy. It is Satan who has brought sin into this world. Let us not forget or forgive the sin that comes from the lies of Satan. May we strive to be believers in Christ who pray for those who have sinned against us and let us forgive them as we have been forgiven. May we pray for their healing, deliverance, and salvation if they do not believe in Jesus.

The Valley

Learning to Walk Through The Valley Of Shadow and Death

The valley is the place of great sorrow, grief, humility, self reflection, dying to self, and growth in Christ. Pain and hurt is found in the very depth of our soul. Are You In This Valley?
Are you dealing with depression, sadness, anger, or grief? Do you have feelings of guilt and shame? Are you trying to let go of past hurts from a bad experience that you had in a church, job, boy friend, friendship, or marriage. Some of you might be thinking about suicide.
My experience that led me into my valley was right after I was delivered from a cult. I had been involved in a spiritually abusive church for five years. This was a time in my life when I had major depression and post traumatic stress disorder.
The work that I did in the valley took almost three years, from year 2000 – 2003. I left the valley as soon as I saw a green field filled with promise. I define a field as a place of being able to have a clearer view about God’s love for us. The shadows of our past do not paralyze us anymore. Allot of our old self has been put to death and we are closer to experience the freedom from being healed.
I will do my best to explain what I think the valley is. I can only describe this land as I experienced it. My hope for you is that you will walk in the valley with Jesus. He will lead you out of the valley after He is done working on you. He did for me. There is a reason that you are here, and no one is exempt from the shadows or death in life, not even Christians.
In the times of brokenness and weakness, God’s strength and power does rest on His beloved children who seek Him. It is in this place that He walks with us and comforts us in those dark places that we hurt so deeply. We may even feel abandoned at times. I believe that life sometimes can feel like we are no where to be found. It is easy to feel lost in the shadows. I encourage you to remember that God does not fail us and He is our Good Shepherd.
In the valley all that we can usually see is our shadow.. We been traveling in blindness and God comes to us to open up our eyes. The valley is the place that we must change. It is here that we are made alive. First we must be put to death. Death happens when we die to our own sin nature and we allow God to transform us. Our eyes are healed when the word of God shines the light of truth on our shadow. It is God who gives us new life after we allow him to take those things out of our heart that holds us captive. It takes courage and strength to look at life as it is and not as we would have it. . When I realized my life was out of control, God then had my full attention.
Physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental healing all takes time and there is a process that we must go through. During my times of healing I have learned that I am not able to deliver myself from suffering without the supernatural power of Christ. A scripture that speaks volumes in times like this comes from 2Corinthians 12:9. My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. I learned that God will provide me with everything I need to successfully heal.
God did not come into my valley of despair and say,” Lisa you are such a failure and you are a mistake.”
No he came into my lonely time of desperation and reminded me that He created me with his own two hands and that He breathed life into me. We are His Beloved and we are valuable. He is not a God who condemns us in our times of suffering. He is not going to criticize us when we are feeling hopeless. He does not sit on His throne and say,”I told you so.”
We matter to God, He is our creator
It was May 24, 2001 that I wrote these words in my journal and it was this note entry that inspired me to write this particular message to you.. Coming out of the cult and changing my life has been like walking through the valley of shadow and death. I have been in this valley for ten months of grief, sadness, shame, anger, pain, hurt, and depression. Off and on I feel pain and lots of times I just feel a numbing. It is hard to concentrate and focus on what is set before me because my mind races with thoughts of trying to put my past together and make some kind of sense out of it.
When I was in the valley answering God and hearing from God, I found out that deep inside of me were some very old wounds from a lifetime of abuse. So not only did I get to look at my present event, I also had to look at a life time of events. I remember feeling there is no way I can do this, and there was no way I could have done it without God. To look at how our life experiences molded us is never easy. Repress memories can make us feel very insecure and vulnerable.
The shadow in the valley is our past. We see our painful experiences for how it really was and no longer can we deny the truth about what we have learned in our life up to this point. My shadow was a reflection of my beliefs about my self and others. At this time I found out that my beliefs were filled with fear, lies and anger. The hurting and wounded self was exposed by the light of truth coming straight out of heaven. I could no longer live life with this shadow following me around. I decided to seek Jesus and take His hand. I was done walking alone in my shattered mind. This shadow we experience speaks to us and tells us that we are no good, we are a mistake and we would be better off dead. This shadow is scary and is a big bully. It is our inner hurtful self condemning us.
The self needs to be put to death and all those lies we believe about our self have to be exposed. Success in my healing came to me when I stopped denying that my life experiences were hurtful. I looked at each lie that I believed and I asked Jesus to take me back to that place in my life that I started believing that lie. When Jesus showed me that place I asked Him to heal me, put to death that misconception, and speak truth to me.
God walks with those in this place that seek him. He does talk to those who are willing to listen. He is there in the word as you read the Bible. Truth abides in Godly counsel from people he puts on your path. He may provide you with a pastor, counselor, doctor, friend, family member, or support group. You may discover his thoughts in a song. You may learn about his ways in a testimony from another human being who has gone through a similar situation. God’s love and glory might be found in a book. In time of prayer you may hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit speaking to you. In the late hours of night when you close your eyes and all you see is your past Jesus could show up and meet you right where you are at. He did for me, I know he has for others, and I believe he will for you too!!!! You have to be willing to go for a walk with Jesus when he comes and get you. Let people into your life and love you. For Jesus uses people to heal and minister. This may feel risky and I understand. To trust is hard but there are good people out there who love God and care. The risk is worth it. Do not isolate.
When I went through my valley I needed to reach out and get help. I was very depressed. So I went to a Christian Counselor and during our first meeting she asked me to describe to her where I was at in my Christian walk with Jesus. I tried to explain to her and did not have the words to describe what I was going through. When I went home that night I had a much better experience in expressing myself about my Christian walk through water-coloring. I painted a childlike cartoon character butterfly. This butterfly had one wing painted with many colors and this wing was filled with life. The other wing was painted black and torn. I took this to my counselor and shared. She asked me what I learned about myself while I painted this butterfly. I explained that I was the butterfly. Part of me is filled with life and freedom. The other part of me is torn and broken. I can not fly right now for I am wounded.
While we are in the valley we will feel stuck and unable to live life the way we want to. We are crippled and in need of God’s healing. It is in this place that one must rest and wait upon the lord to renew their strength. He renews us by helping us forgive ourselves and others.
Let us imagine for a moment what the valley would be like without God. Or maybe you do not have to imagine because this is what your valley looks like and you do need God. I have not lived long periods of time in the valleys without God. But when I did I felt hopeless. There is anger that turns into bitterness, shame turns into self condemnation, grief turns into blaming, and not forgiving turns into revenge. The enemy speaks lies about your past and you let him make you feel guilty. It is a place of self hate. Fear is your god and almost or every decision you make is motivated by fear.
One may choose to isolate themselves from others or they may attract others to join them in their pity party. A belief that a person may have is that, God is not real and he does not care about me. Another thought that may enter the mind is that, God could never forgive me for what I have done. A person may be angry at God for allowing such a thing to happen. It is evident that life will go on for this person. We all have learned to cope with our issues. But sometime down the road we all have to look at the price we paid to be happy. As we all know our choices of coping will have a consequence.
I never found a coping strategy that worked long term for me other then turning my life over to Jesus. I too have experienced quick fixes and they usually felt good at first but later I was back to dealing with my old junk. Today I can honestly say I am healed from many of my past experiences that I used to struggle with. The loving arms of the Father in valley has giving me a future of hope and freedom. Seek Him in the valley.